musings in mayhem

writer, mom, tutor, superwoman

Archive for the category “funny”

oops, i did it again

Remember das boot?

And the lesson I wanted to pass on to you?

Yea, I haven’t quite learned it yet.

Yesterday, I sang the Brahms piece in both Sunday services for a remembrance of 9-11 on its tenth anniversary. Our little choir had worked very hard on it, and for some reason, the music just looked foreign during first service, even though we had just had a really good last rehearsal of it prior to that service. I wasn’t the only one who had that experience. Our RE director (an alto) remarked between services that she had the same experience. In that conversation, she mentioned that it seemed the person who was supposed to lead the youth group during second service was not there yet. I replied, I’d be happy to go over there after we sang in the early part of the second service. The middle school leader was happy to get them started in the discussion, but had her own class to cover.

Second service’s rendition of the Brahms went much much better. It was beautiful.

Then I trotted over to the other building, stopping at my van to switch from the cute new heels (first pair I’ve worn in ages because the ankle finally felt like I could for a few hours) into my everyday flipflops.

Funny enough, I did great in the heels. I owned those sassy little pointy burgundy fake alligators.

Well, I got all the way to the other building, across a lovely grassy field peppered with spiky horse chestnuts to discover that the scheduled youth leader was there after all. I made a cheerful speedy exit to head back and join Honey for one of his rare appearances, having brought the kids for second service while I was on choir duty since earlier in the morning.

Just as I stepped onto the grass from that little parking lot, my ankle collapsed under me. I dropped and rolled, purse flying, travel mug of tea arching in a totally different direction. I remember a thought process along the line of I better just go with this, because if I try to fight it, I’ll re-injure the inside tendon.

I found myself lying in the grass, assessing damages and and realizing first, I was covered in yard scrap, there goes the outfit (I’m not much of a fashionista, but dang it, I’d put in some effort that morning), and then the pain kicked in. I had saved the tendon, but the entire rest of my foot was taking my breath away, briefly. Then I looked around for someone to laugh this off with, and discovered, not a single person had seen my stupendous pratfall. It was youtube worthy – an AFV winner.Then I wondered if I can or should get up and walk. Yes, I actually thought, I’ve fallen and I can’t get up! I did get up, but maybe I shouldn’t have.

The choir director and a smattering of choir members were chatting in the lobby as I hobbled back in the door. I confirmed, no one saw a thing. I went in to service, and joined Honey in the back row. Next thing I knew, choir director was leaning into the sanctuary to hand me an ice pack. He’s also a kids’ soccer coach, he knows about first aid.

Well, after service, we hung around for a bit, I chatted with another mom at the playground, who is also my belly dance teacher, and then we got into the two separate vehicles to head home. I did think briefly about having Mr. Cynic drive the van home, but he’s not comfortable on the main roads yet. So I drove wincing all the way home, stopping and hopping for gas. Only Captain Comic joined me for the ride in Bertha.

I put my foot up when we got home and took some naproxen with the sandwich that Mr. Cynic made for me. A couple of hours later, bruising and inability to walk finally made me admit the need to go to Urgent Care, while Honey called me a wuss and Captain Comic slapped him upside the head for the name-calling. Note to self: quit joking like that with the literal kid.

After a few hours there with Honey, and two rounds of xrays, I walked out with a latex free wrap, latex free crutches, and having given my info and Mr. Cynic’s to the xray tech because her son is a 16 year old drummer looking for a band, and mine is a bassist and songwriter whose band never gets together to rehearse. But they go to rival high schools, so we’ll see what comes of that. I also walked out with orders to get back in das boot and see my podiatrist (the one who gave me the steroid shot back in June). Oh, and  diagnosis of spraining all the ligaments across my metatarsals and a possible break in the second metatarsal.

I twisted that ankle like a pro. I do it often enough. I broke the 5th metatarsal doing so in three inch Mia clogs back in 1980 in my high school’s linoleum hall.

I think I just have to admit, that with all of the mayhem that is built into my life with three spread out kids, one with Asperger’s, and my attempts to write, take care of myself, help others out, like being in rotation as a youth leader, being in choir, etc, that adding something on the fly, literally takes me down for the count, and beyond.

My appointment with the podiatrist is in a couple of hours. Thanks goodness he could squeeze me in. I hope he doesn’t have the same results from spontaneity as I do.

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that kid’s got talent

Please click to blow up. It’s worth it, really. 
It also grows funnier, the expressions more distinct the more I look at it. 
In the words of King Crimson, The more I look at it…The more I like it. I do think it’s good.


*As I proudly showed the kid that he was getting laughs all over various places, he admitted he riffed it from a ‘Cyanide & Happiness’ strip.

new fave thing & convo with the captain

Captain Comic: How’d they DO that?
Mom: I don’t know, but it’s really creative and innovative, don’t you think?
Capt. Comic: But how did they do it? Did they like draw it with a stick burning into the toast?
Mom: The images are so consistent from one piece of toast to the other, I wonder if they have some kind of a stamp thing they add lines of something to, and heat up to burn into the toast…
Captain Comic: That wastes a huge amount of toast!
Mom (falls over laughing)

in preparation

I spoke with Captain Comic this morning about the fact that his sixth grade Family Life class is coming up next week. I just wanted to give him a heads up.

Mom: Hey, kiddo, C’mere a minute.
Capt. Comic: What?
Mom:  Do you know your Family Life class is coming up this week?
Captain Comic: Yea. Wait, what’s that?
Mom: They’re going to talk to you about sex.
Capt. Comic(face screws up in creepy disgust): Ew. You mean they’re going to tell us how to have S-E-X?
Mom: Not like that…
Capt. Comic: Wait, don’t you have to be… (puts hand over mouth, screws up face more, barely whispers): naked?! Like the woman goes on…
Mom: Stop right there! (because can see he’s trying to picture it) They’re going to talk about the science of your body going through puberty, and a girl’s body…
Capt. Comic: EW!!! (runs away) I’m adopting all my people!

saturday morning convo

Grandma, Honey and I volunteer for the Virginia Arts Festival. Last night in Williamsburg, we ushered for a concert of Chick Corea and Gary Burton. Absolutely outstanding show, I was mesmerized. So was Honey. These are giants of jazz, for those who don’t know. Honey and I had to educate a few of the other volunteers a little bit about who these musicians were. I forget sometimes that while there are some people who are absolutely fanatical about jazz – like one guy I saw keeping set lists, there are many more who have never dipped their toes in that syncopated water. Honey and I fall somewhere between those extremes, a little closer to the fanatics.

So while all three adults of the house were in Williamsburg, Mr. Cynic babysat. Babysitting largely comprised of viewings of Kung Fu Panda, expected, and apparently Captain Comic added Jimmy Neutron, Boy Genius.  


This morning, after our late night arrival home, Toots wanted to wake us – twice. The second time, she climbed into our bed with the Jimmy Neutron DVD case in hand.

Toots (points to the picture on the cover): Das Jimmy Neutron.
Mom: M-hm.
Toots: And das Carl.
Mom: M-hm.
Toots: And das Jimmy Neutron’s dog, Tonnor.
Mom: I don’t think Jimmy Neutron’s dog’s name is Connor. Daddy, isn’t it something like Einstein?
Honey (slowly rouses from sleep): …………………………………………Goddard.
Mom: Oh yea, the dog is named after a famous scientist, Goddard.
Toots: We sing dat in pweschool.
Mom:  What?
Toots: Goddard.
Mom: What?
Toots: We sing Goddard in pweschool, before we eat.
Mom (light slowly dawns): OH!
Toots (sings): Goddard fadder, Goddard fadder, we thank you, we thank you…..
Mom (chuckles): That’s God our Father, not Goddard, silly!
Toots: Oh.

of empires

Yes, I woke up to watch the royal wedding of Prince William and Kate.


I’m awake before six in the morning anyway, as the boys get up to get ready for school every morning. Just typically, I remain in bed a while longer doing that mom wants to sleep just a while longer but has one ear open to what’s going on in the house thing. 


This morning, I took over the TV at six. Captain Comic was not pleased, as he usually is watching cartoons or funny animal videos while he downs a giant bowl of milk with some cereal in it. I was just in time to see Kate get out of the car in her gorgeous Princess Grace styled gown. I thought it as soon as I saw it, before the media started discussing that. Let’s just say I have a distant obsession with weddings in general and gowns in particular. I am continually amazed at how the music and the pageantry, even when there is not much of it – which of course, today there was – just turn my eyes into waterfalls. I can’t control it for anything. Go figure. I acted a bit of a goofball at both of my weddings to try to avoid the tears like the plague. It only worked a little.


Mr. Cynic and Captain Comic peppered me with royal family questions.


Mom: Look, there in the yellow hat is the Queen Elizabeth II, the Queen of England and (switch to punctilious voice) Ruler of the British Empire.


Capt. Comic: The British Empire?! There are still Empires?! The only Empire I know is the Galactic Empire! You know – Star Wars?!




I just want to add that with all that pageantry, etc, I thought W&K looked very sweet and comfortable with each other. And that is really what that whole to do was about: love.

my kingdom for a cookie

While making cookies today:

Captain Comic: Isn’t the United Kingdom the same as Great Britain?
Mom: Yes it is.
Capt. Comic: But why do they call it the United Kingdom. That sounds so medieval!
Mom: Because the Feudal System was in rule in the Medieval Age and during that time, they United the Kingdoms of the British Isles.
Capt. Comic: Oh. But why do they still call it that?
Mom: Well, they do still have a Queen in England.
Capt. Comic: Yea, but she probably has a laptop!

Addendum: Perhaps I should have clarified that when he piped in with the laptop comment, I could totally see him picturing her sitting on a throne with crown and a red robe a la the Cowardly Lion typing away….

non-sequitur boy

After my phase one dental trauma this morning, I really wanted a treat to take the kids out for a treat.

Did you know it’s Starbucks 40th birthday?  They are giving out treats on Thurs, Fri and Sat afternoons this week with purchase of a drink.  So I took the kids.  I really don’t take them out for things like that enough.

Captain Comic usually tosses out some good non-sequiturs any old time, but he was in rare form today.

Piece of convo in the car on the way to treat:

Mr. Cynic: But mom, Frappucinos are so sweet they make me want to throw up, except the bottled ones.
Captain Comic (from the wayback in the minivan): Did you know that one milligram of antimatter costs three hundred billion dollars?

Captain Comic and I were walking through Starbucks to get some milk to cool off his hot chocolate. A man in a black trench coat and tie stood waiting for his drink to be made.

Captain Comic (mutters without eye contact as he walked past): Nice suit.
Man (looks around): Oh, thanks. It’s really more of a sport coat.
Captain Comic (having already moved on): What’s half and half?  Why is it called half and half? What is it half and half of?

Back in the van, KT Tunstall disc comes on.

Captain Comic: IS THAT LADY GAGA?!
Mom (bursts out laughing): I love you!
Mr. Cynic: OHMIGAWD! You are FAIL!
Capt. Comic: Why am I fail?
Mom and Mr. Cynic in unison: Because that’s KT Tunstall!
Mr. Cynic: and if you FOLLOWED the MUSIC Industry AT ALL, you would know the difference IMMEDIATELY.

Aside:
Mr. Cynic: Mom, if you EVER get a Lady Gaga CD, I will have to slap you in the head with it.

Toots (listens quietly to the many exchanges, briefly pulls her two sucky fingers out of her mouth): CannI hab a sip uff yer toffee?
Mom: Sure. (it’s decaf – hands it back to her in the middle row)
Toots: slurp noise
Mom: Is it good?
Toots: It’s dee-wicious! (passes coffee back up and promptly returns sucky fingers to their original position.)

New song starts

Captain Comic: Is THAT Lady Gaga?!
Mom (bursts out laughing)
Mr. Cynic: OMIGAWD! FAIL!
Mom and Mr. Cynic: It’s KT Tunstall!
Captain Comic: Oh riiiiiight. Mom?
Mom: What?
Capt. Comic: Do you laugh so much because I’m so random?
Mom: Absolutely. You are the most random person I know.  (chuckles)
Capt. Comic laughs with pride.
Toots: Ahre we ahmost home yet?  I want my juice.

captain comic

It’s a rainy Saturday, and my horoscopes and a tarot card all conferred and said I should use it to write.  So I am settling in at the local library with my manuscript. At home is cleaning. I called for Captain Comic from the bottom of the stairs, before I ventured out the front.

Captain Comic (darts from his room to the top of the stairs): What?
Mom: I’m going to the library to write. Please pick up your floor-
Capt. Comic: But Moooom, I tried!  It was too heavy! (chuckles)
Mom (chuckles, too): Okay, Okay…but seriously, pick up your room-
Capt. Comic: I just told you – I tried, it’s too heavy!
Mom: Okay. Pick up your books and put them on your bookshelf, papers go-
Capt. Comic: AAAAUGH! okay, okay!

That’s all.  Now I write.

my heart is big

My son Mr. Cynic made his internet debut. He made this for a group AP History project. He wrote the songs, he acted, etc. The first song is a snippet of a prior project about, if I recall correctly, the Spanish Armada. The guys included it for a laugh from the class.

Can a mother be more proud of the musicality and creativity of her child? I don’t think so. I am soaring. Except that typo in some of the print stuff, but that must be one of the other kids.  😉

It’s on youtube.  Go ahead and share. 

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